Feeling Re-entered

I was thinking that lately I'm feeling much more connected, for the most part. My struggle with re-entry back into life in America has been a lot better lately; I'm feeling "re-entered" in a good way.

One of my struggles was fitting back into my church. I have been very frustrated at times as I have tried to reconnect. God affirmed to me though that I was at the right place. He used several people to make be feel reconnected. Singles' classes have such a large turnover rate. In the four years I was gone, there are only about 5 people I know still in our Sunday School class of 30 people. In the four years I have been gone we've gotten a new lead pastor, new minister of music and new youth pastor, as well as getting and losing a singles pastor. Due to the current economic situation, we are not looking for a new singles pastor. My church has an average attendance of 700 for the second worship service. You can understand why it can be easy to get lost in the crowd.

Though I am feeling more at home, in my home, I have been struggling with my identity. When I was teaching sociology last year, one of the things we discussed was master status. We all have different roles in our lives, daughter, friend, sister, student; but we all have a master status. For many of my friends that master status is mother or wife. For me that master status is teacher. Without hesitation, that is how I define myself, a teacher. It has been and continues to be a real struggle for me not teaching this year. It was a joke, but someone told me the other day that I wasn't a real teacher, because I'm subbing. It is true. I sure don't feel like a real teacher as I go babysit other teachers' classes who do things differently than I would.

The closest I've felt to being a real teacher lately was when I subbed at my old school. I subbed for 8th grade, for the guy I taught next door to for 6 years. I got to actually teach, the subject that I taught at that school for 6 years. One kid commented, "hey, you're better than regular subs, they just put up the notes and make us copy them, you're actually teaching us, you know what you're talking about." Yet, for every good day I have there is a nightmare day where kids curse and expect me to do nothing and let them get away with murder. I had such a bad day subbing at a high school the other week that I voluntarily chose to do a kindergarten class this week. I know it will be tiring, but at least I can hope they won't be cursing or getting an attitude with me.

I am reminded of how rewarding teaching can be when I talk to my former students; and that makes me miss teaching even more. I feel though that my identity is too wrapped up in teaching. My identity needs to be rooted in who I am in Christ. I know that God gave me the passion and ability to teach as a tool to serve Him. I just have to remember which comes first. Even though I'm not teaching this year, I believe there are several things God wants to teach me.