A Sterling Tale

This was written by another expat here in Turkey. I was very entertained, and I thought I would share.

My friends and family back in the United States often think that my life in Turkey is filled with adventures and excitement.

Little do they know, however, that the key for me in living here is to try to see the humor in absurd, sometimes unexplainable, situations. A case in point is what happened just last week. I was expecting money to be wired to my bank account from the United Kingdom. Thinking that I could make a quick stop at the bank and withdraw the funds, I left home in the morning with a list of errands to run afterwards. However, as expats living here all know, things in Turkey do not always go according to plan.

I entered the bank, took a number, and sat and waited as lights flashed to indicate which customer was currently being taken care of by which bank teller. This particular morning everything seemed to be running smoothly. I had high hopes of obtaining the money and being on my way in a relatively short time. The overhead board lit up with my number and I proceeded to a teller, Elif, who I have known ever since I opened my accounts at the bank. Even though she does not speak any English, nor does anyone else at the small neighborhood branch I use, she has shown an extraordinary amount of patience with my rather feeble attempts at banking in a foreign language.

After the usual required greetings, our conversation progressed with my rudimentary Turkish.

Me: Did money arrive in my account from England?
Elif: Let me check. Yes, it came to the main office of the bank.
Me: Oh, good. Can I take it in cash now?
Elif: Well, I can't give you Stalin right now.
Me: (confused) Stalin?
Elif: Yes, Stalin. Your money is in Stalin.
Me: My money is in Stalin?
Elif: Yes, but I can't give you Stalin right now.
Me: (completely confused and wondering just what it was we were discussing) I want money, not Stalin. Stalin is dead.
Elif: (looking slightly confused for a moment, then brightening as she thinks she has understand what I may mean) No, Stalin is not dead. Just very down. Stalin will come up again. Maybe by this afternoon he will be bigger.
Me: Stalin will come again? Uh, I really just want to get the money that was sent.
Elif: Stalin is not here right now. Come back this afternoon and you can have stollen.
Me: (Now quite unsure if we are discussing money, a dead Soviet leader or German pastry) Stollen? Stalin will bring me stollen?
Elif: Yes. This afternoon is better for stollen. Stalin will probably rise a little by then, so it will be better for you.
Me: (Now completely lost, I try to think of any Turkish word I know that sounds vaguely like Stalin.) Uhmm…..So, is the money here?
Elif: (Realizing that I am not quite understanding what she is trying to tell me.) Yes. Your money has come. But, it is in Stalin. This morning Stalin is not here. He will come this afternoon and it will be better for you to come back then.

As we looked at each other, both a little confused as to why this simple transaction was taking me so long to understand, I pulled out my cell phone and asked Elif to wait just a moment while I called a friend who has a much better command of Turkish than I obviously do at the moment. I quickly explained to my friend Monica that I could not understand one vital word in the conversation and asked her to speak to Elif and then explain to me what was meant by the word Stalin. I handed the phone over and they spoke for a moment. Elif then handed the phone back to me. In between howls of laughter, Monica explained to me what the misunderstanding was.
"Elif is trying to get you to understand that they don't have any British pounds this morning, but she will order some for you, and it will come this afternoon. She also said that it would be better for you anyway to get the money this afternoon because the pound will hopefully rise a little by then. She wasn't saying Stalin -- she was saying sterling!"

Relieved that with the help of a friend I had finally grasped what she was telling me, Elif handed me back my account papers, and I agreed to return later in the day to collect the money in sterling. Stifling my own laughter as I departed the bank, an hour after arriving, I headed off take care of the other errands on my list.

As I walked along, I thought about just how my friends back in the United States would have reacted to my bank interaction. A few would have become frustrated, some would have been impatient and a couple friends would have indignantly wanted to know why Elif did not speak English. But, I know that at least of handful of my friends would have laughed alongside of me at my own feeble attempts to function in a foreign language, with comic misunderstandings often the result as I mangle my version of Turkish.

So, is the life of an expat really all that exotic or adventurous? I suppose to outsiders it is, when compared to living in our homelands, where we have no problems with the language and know how to get things done efficiently. After living abroad for so long, however, the everyday ups and downs of life in Turkey just seem par for the course. Learning to laugh at yourself is important too, as I discovered in my attempts to figure out just how Stalin, or stollen, could in any way be related to withdrawing money from my bank account.

KATHY HAMILTON - İSTANBUL